No spinach, but plenty of bacon

Hmmmmm.  No spinach at the market tonight. Of course I wanted spinach badly, since I wasn’t allowed to have any.

I often regard food shopping as something of a personal challenge, seeing as how I often simply don’t have the time to do it. Which is a shame because I rather enjoy food shopping, when I’m not extraordinarily pressed for time. Which I have been for about six weeks now.

So no spinach.  And I am grumpy, shopping, because I want fresh spinach. FINE!  I go through the motions, get the crap I usually get, going a little bit lean because all this business travel adds up to a lot of business eating, and I want to lose, say, 30 pounds before I go to Japan next week. I can do that in a week, right?  All it takes is a little willpower. Hell, I can do that.

So I get to the checkout, and the couple in front of me are unloading their basket.

Ho-ly merde. 

It’s as if they are two 16-year-old boys. (Which they are not.)  Or two bulimic 90-pound teenage girls. (Which, trust me on this, they are not, either.)  They bought everything that we all really want to buy, but we know better. They bought everything that we all secretly crave but cannot have.

They bought a lot of cheese. Microwave waffles.  Oh and syrup for the waffles. They bought whole milk and butter and eggs. 

Dude.  They bought BUTTER. 

They bought 4 half gallons of ice cream. 10 half gallons of tomato juice (this I cannot explain.) Loads of cheese. (this, in particular, made my heart break.)  They bought white bread and bacon and 3 kinds of cookies. 

Dude.  They bought BACON. 

Wait up.  Who actually buys bacon? What the hell is that about? Who really eats bacon, except, you know, in a restaurant or on a business trip? (And not every single trip, mind you?)  I eat bacon at home one day a year…Christmas morning. Throwback to being a child.  I gotta have the bacon.  I buy a small one, eat some, give the pets a slice each (what the hell, it’s Christmas) and toss the rest. But bacon in September?  What the HELL is that about? 

They bought actual sugar.  Not the fake crap I buy.  They bought candy and real soda (not diet) and po-ta-to chips.

Dude.  They bought CHIPS. 

You see what I’m getting at here? This was astonishing to me.  It’s as if these two never read a newspaper or watched a news program since, say, 1975. To hell with cholesterol!  To hell with fat!  To hell with an early, slow, lingering death!

Wait.  I left out the best part. THEY BOUGHT ENTENMANN’S CAKES.  They had three kinds in their basket. Doughnuts, some kind of chocolate cake, and another thing that I couldn’t really see because of the tears in my eyes.

I swear that my arteries hardened just watching them pay for their stuff and waddle out.

Then I paid for my miserable fruit and vegetables and yogurt and 1% milk and trudged out to the car. 

Oh.  I should give credit where credit is due and mention that the Doomed Twosome also bought exactly two Lean Cuisines. Maybe the diet starts next Monday? 

Comments

[scribbler]

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm butter

[Mikeachim]

They're almost certainly English. :)
Those are most of the ingredients of an English Breakfast.
(I'm not saying that proudly, just as a statement of fact).