A little song, a little dance...

Written on May 3, 2003

…a little seltzer down your pants.

Just in case you have no idea what that means, I’ll tell you.  The most famous episode of “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” was the “Chuckles the Clown” episode, wherein the normally staid Mary dissolves in a fit of giggles at a colleague’s funeral.  It was very, very funny.  It won an Emmy, and is ranked as the best episode of any TV show, ever.

I’ve got it beat.

My Uncle Billy’s funeral was yesterday.  That’s not the funny part, obviously.  He was part of our family, and he’s the first of my Mom’s siblings to pass away, so the loss is a hard one.  We gathered yesterday, as families do, to say goodbye.  And, because it’s THIS family, it wasn’t your ordinary funeral. 

It took place on Long Island.  The Mass was very nicely done, and we headed to the cemetery.  We listened to “Taps”, hearts in our mouths, and watched two Navy petty officers fold an American flag for Uncle Billy, who served in the Navy as a young man.  Then the funeral director stepped forward to speak, as they do.  Now, things could have gotten dicey here – she had a very pronounced Long Island accent, and hearing “Duh Lord is my sheppid, I shall not wawnt, etc.” was tough without smiling.  But we all held it together nicely. 

Then it happened.  She got to the part where she says; “The Lord has chosen to call William home…”

That’s what she meant to say, anyway.  That’s not what she said, though. 

She said; “The Lord has chosen to kill W…” and caught herself.  Too late, alas. 

There are few things worse than needing to laugh in a situation where laughter is inappropriate. 

A few of us coughed in an effort to hide laughter.  Michael – who’s been part of my family for 20 years, who’s shared our holidays, our happiness, our sadness, our daily lives – Michael just lost it.  Oh, he tried to pull himself together, which only resulted in a fit of those harrumphy-type giggly coughs that just call more attention to oneself when one is trying desperately to deflect attention.  My eyes widened in panic as I realized what was about to happen.  He was there as my date, you see, and I didn’t know everyone there, and certainly didn’t know what their views were on hysterical laughter at funerals. 

So now I’m getting a couple of sidewise glances.  Michael is still having fits next to me.  Terrorized and now unable to stop laughing myself, I belt him in the gut and hiss “get out!” and he tries to fade away unobtrusively…while laughing his head off.  I see my Aunt’s shoulders shaking with laughter and think, oh, good, people will think she’s crying.  I’m trying not to catch the eye of anyone who’s going to set me off.  The funeral director, who recovered admirably, is now closing her remarks and the family begins to pass by Uncle Billy and lay carnations down.  I follow the line, badly though, because I’m laughing so hard I’m blind.  Two representatives from the cemetery are attempting to “assist” Michael, who is howling behind the chapel. 

When I passed by Billy, I stopped in the midst of laughing, and thought, oh, geez, Billy, I’m sorry.  Then I thought, shit, he would have loved this.  Chuckles the Clown was his favorite episode!  So I laughed harder.  We made our way, finally, clumsily, to the cars, where we could embarrass ourselves in private, and several of us just leaned on the cars and became helpless giggly puddles. 

The rest of the day passed in the usual afternoon lunch and family obligations.  But Michael’s name has been all-but-legally changed to Chuckles…and my family still hasn’t gotten through a funeral without a story to tell.

I hope we never do.  Here’s to you, Chuckles…and you too, Billy. 

Comments

[Barry Reitman]

Who are you??? I haven't laughed so hard since...since I first saw the Chuckles the Clown episode. (I had Googled "A little song, a little dance..." searching for attribution - I thought it was Milton Berle, and found this page.) Then, looking to find out who you are, went to Ford Street.net and found the Palin debate notes that someone forwarded to me yesterday. Well, whoever you are - thanks! You have a wonderful way with words.

Barry

[Royargo]

People only change after trauma, if they wanted to change before the trauma. Or if they've watched too many Afterschool Specials.

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find out who you are, went to Ford Street.net and found the Palin debate notes that someone forwarded to me yesterday. Well, whoever you are - thanks! You have a wonderful way with words.

[jerseys]

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[wholesale fashion]

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